Blame helps no one

A common theme I am seeing for my clients, is blame.

It comes in various versions of either not doing enough school or doing too much school, and blaming the current situation on your past self or on your kids.

So it could be:

I didn’t do enough.

I should have started earlier.

We are behind.

I should have held them accountable better.

I could have been more consistent.

OR:

I did too much with them.

We started too early.

I should have let them start later.

I pushed them too hard.

I should have been more relaxed.

I should have been less stressed.

OR:

They aren’t trying hard enough.

They should know this by now.

They will never figure it out.

They aren’t learning.

OR:

They are doing too much.

They should stop pushing so hard.

They shouldn’t be so stressed.

They need to do less.

So blame can come from doing more OR less, and be towards yourself OR your kids.

Those seem to conflict…Fascinating!

This is because blame doesn’t actually come from what you or your kids did in the past. It doesn't come from how much school you did or didn't accomplish. It doesn't come from what level your child is on or what level their peers are on.

It comes from what you THINK about what you or they did.

Why does this matter?

When you blame yourself or your children, you tend to feel anxious, stressed, ashamed, worried, and more NOW.