What do you do when your kids disagree with each other?
If they are arguing about who is right and who is wrong, instead of trying to hear them out and decide what is true, remember:
It doesn’t matter who is right.
It is not your job as a parent to be the judge.
When my kids argue, I picture myself setting black robes aside as I tell myself “I am not the judge.”
I do this because when I turn into a judge - letting each of them present their case, weighing the facts, and passing a sentence on who is right, who is wrong, and what will happen because of it - I am setting my kids up to need a mediator to solve their problems!
And the last thing I want is to have to get involved in every argument they have.
So what do I do instead?
I teach them:
Other people are allowed to be wrong about you.
It is ok for other people to think differently than you.
You can disagree with someone and not argue about it.
Other people are allowed to misperceive you, think poorly of you, and judge you.
What really matters is what you think of yourself.
I want my kids to know that their own opinions matters far more to them than someone else’s.
And in fact, when they focus on changing someone else’s opinion, they miss the power they have to have their own opinion.
I think my opinion is my superpower.
My opinions are thoughts and beliefs, and those matter more to me personally than anyone else's opinions, because my thoughts create my reality.
I can believe anything I want to about myself, and no one can change my mind except me.
So I want my kids to decide what they believe about themselves, and let other people be wrong about them:
They can believe:
They are kind.
They are honest.
They are good.
They do their best (most of the time).
When they make a mistake, they make it right and start over.
Other people can suggest otherwise, but they don’t have to believe them, argue with them, or convince them.
State the truth, and then drop it.