I spend so much time trying to figure out what is true and what is not.
Do people like me?
Are my kids spoiled?
Do they know better?
Should I be doing more?
I try to figure out what is true. What is real. What is reality.
It seems like there is one answer that is “right”.
But this drama really is so unnecessary.
Even if it were true that my friends don’t really like me, so what?
Do I like me when I think that? Do I like them when I think they don’t like me? Do I want to be friends with them if they don’t like me?
Probably not. I don’t like me when I judge them. I don’t like them when I think they don’t like me. I don’t want to be friends if I think they don’t like me.
So is thinking that they might not like me serving me?
No! It just creates drama and grief. If they don’t want to be my friend, they can tell me, and I will listen. Until then, I will assume we are great friends. I will stop trying to read their minds.
Even if it were true that my kids are spoiled, so what?
Do I like who I am when I think they are spoiled? Do I become a better mom when I think that they are spoiled? Do I take the action I want to take when I think that they are spoiled?
I show up angry, mad at them, blaming myself, and feeling shame.
Those emotions do not bring out the best actions in me.
So does it matter if it is true or not?
What do I want to believe?
What will create positive action on my part?
What will motivate me to be the kind of friend I want to be? The kind of mom I want to be? The kind of spouse I want to be?
I can’t know for sure if my friends like me or if my kids are spoiled. I get to think whatever I want to think about the people around me.
I choose to think that my friends like me, because I show up as a good friend when I think that thought.
I choose to think that my kids are grateful, because I show up as a loving mom when I think that thought.
Whether or not those thoughts are true is irrelevant.
And if they came out and said that they don’t like me, then I could take that information and make a decision. And if my kids say they are ungrateful, I’ll assume they are confused and keep explaining it.