I am a life coach.
I know the tools.
I can see where other people are holding themselves back.
But I still get coached every week.
I still need someone to show me where I am stuck personally.
I may be able to read other people’s labels, but I can’t read the label of my own bottle from the inside.
I explained to my coach this week that I just notice all of the things in my life, and that I am just very aware.
I see all of the things I could improve on or be better at in my life.
She said “It’s not awareness, it’s just being mean.”
If I followed another mom around as she lived her life and pointed out ways that she could improve - she could have been a little nicer, she could have less clutter around, she could be more patient, she could have gotten more done, she could be further along if she had tried harder, etc., it would be completely rude.
So why do I do that to myself?
Why is it not ok to berate the people around us, and yet myself, most people I talk to, and everyone I coach, is berating themselves?
I used to tell myself worse things such as "you're such a failure."
Through coaching I have moved to the point that I am not telling myself that I am terrible, but I still notice the things that I could improve on.
I thought I was just being aware.
As my coach pointed out, I’m just being mean.
I wouldn’t allow someone else to say things like that to my friends. I would appreciate what they were doing, encourage them, and love them the way that they are.
Why is it so hard to offer that same grace to myself?
I am my harshest critic and I think I'm pretty normal.
I recently had professional photos taken of myself for my website, and when I finally received them last night I could see every little thing wrong with them, and wrong with my body.
I cringed looking at them.
My brain thought that they were all wrong - my hair, my skin, my smile, my clothes, my body. I could see all of the ways that I could “improve” my appearance.
Those photos are just a reflection of me in a moment in time. I had those wrinkles, flyaway hairs, and stretched out ab muscles. I was that person in that moment.
I see how I could have looked better - tamed the hair, exercised more, and picked a better outfit.
Why is it so easy to judge myself?
What would it be like to see a photo of yourself and not hate it?
What would it be like to get upset with a child for hurting another child and not beat yourself up for being upset?
What would it be like to have clutter and mess in your house and not be upset about it?
You are so anxious to get to the future moment of perfection that you are missing the moment you are in right now.
Last night I walked outside to watch the sunset.
It was so incredibly beautiful.
As I turned to walk back to my house, I saw that the paint on our house is fading and needs redone, there were items my kids left out - cups, shoes, and toys, there was trash in the yard, and there were projects that need tackling.
I saw all of the things wrong in that moment.
I just want all of the things to be fixed.
Then I had an epiphany.
What if I chose all of this?
What if I suddenly could choose again from a faded house that needs repairs, or a perfect one?
Which would I choose?
Why do I think that life will be so much better when everything is perfect?
What if I wanted the life I am in?
My house with the faded paint, messy yard, and endless projects is enough. I can focus on “awareness” or I could look at the sunset, feel the breeze, and listen to the birds sing.
The choice is mine.
What if I stopped using awareness as an excuse to not enjoy my life?
What if I didn’t want all of those things to change?
What if I wanted the clutter, the kids who are fighting, the frustration that I am feeling, and the skin that I have?
What if I would actually choose them again if given the choice?
What if you considered your life a gift and appreciated it? Not for what it could be, not for what you could become, but for what you are right now?
Your life is enough.
You are enough.
Once you believe that, you have the power to create new possibilities.
Believing that something is wrong, holds you back and keeps you stuck.
Stop beating yourself up in the name of “awareness”.
It’s not awareness, it’s just mean.
You have enough to be happy right now.
Don’t listen to the lie that you should be different.
Be you in this moment.
That’s all you ever have to do.
You are a pretty fantastic you!
You got this Momma!
P.S. Read about why our expectations harm us here.